Blog and half^io



Hey - 4/8/17

I'm going to attempt to make this a daily ordeal that has proper grammar. I worked on the site for a very large portion of today because my initial plan of going to Sweet Tomatoes was ruined because my friends are flakes and it's a very annoying feeling to look forward to something and then not get it. I studied a bit for calculus and I plan to study for History tomorrow, as I have a test that could make or break my grade.

I should also begin on my sixth CO.


Oh hey, I forgot this day existed but I had a really bad headache, whoops. We spent most of the day out because we first went to Newark to surprise Preetham uncle for his 40th birthday and it was a lot of fun. After that, we went and saw an arangetram with Nikhil and Shruthi and it was extremely interesting and boring at the same time, but regardless, congrats Krithi!

Then we went and got really good Indian pizza with Nikhil's squad and it was really fun because Shruthi made us all put our phones in the middle so we would socialize and it actually worked but I had a terrible headache so I was trying to get through that the whole time :(


I didn't really do much today except go to school and then come home and freak out about the Calculus MCQ that we have tomorrow. However, I think I did fairly well on my History test because I spent all of the time from our late start to study for it and it went well because I knew the answers to most of them and I felt a lot stronger than I normally do.

I'm writing this at night and I just realized that not only have I not done my Spanish homework, but I also have a test on either Thursday or Friday that I need to start preparing for like crazy. AHhhhh, I really hope I can clutch out the rest of the year because my AP Physics grade finally got to a B and Mr. Griffin is shedding some light for me to get an A this semester, now its just up to me to get it, I guess.




Tomorrow I have the Chapter 5B test in Spanish and I think I'm going to do fairly well because she told us the types of sections we're going to have and there are no paragraph writing sections or anything and this chapter makes a lot of sense; I hope I'll be fine. Additionally, I have an 80.4% in Calculus and it makes me freak out. PLUS, Mrs. Bhatnagar said there was going to be extra credit for her AB students and then it turns out it's only for her students with a D or F and that means I can't get it :( We have the calculator portion of an MCQ test tomorrow and I think I'm prepared but tomorrow's going to be such a tough day because I can't fail either of the tests and I'm so stressed out. I finished eating dinner and I'm going to review the Spanish vocabulary and then sleep by 10 tonight. I have to get up early though because I want to go over another mock calculator MCQ portion and finish the physics homework.

ALSO, theres the Comme de Garcon SHIRT x Supreme Bogo drop tomorrow and I think Vinh is going to cop a tee for me and I'm really excited for that.


hi i exist

hello mateys, i am quite alright

i had my calculus and my spanish final, and guess what

yer boi clutched em both ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


wow it felt odd to write 18 in lieu of 17 there but its really a brand new year

i guess im cheating on my very first post of the year and thats not a good way to start but its better that i post as close to the first day so sue me

we went to aditis for the yearly new years party just like we have been for the past 10 years and it was fun and I EDITED MY VIDEO AND I AM SO PROUD OF IT YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND bc i ran into so many issues when editing it and there was so much footage and vegas kept crashing but i had started that project and there was no way i was gonna end it and give up on it so i made it and im really really proud of the result :)

so this is the first post of a new year and im not gonna say new year new me bc that concept doesnt make any sense to me but this year for fact im gonna be the bestest friend to the people that really do love me and treasure me and im going to be loyal and helpful to everyone.

im also still distraught over everything that happened and im in that really bad in between bc i miss it but i want to get over it and idk what to do except wait it out :( BUT we planned out the SF trip and thats on wednesday and tmrw we're meeting w/ pizza and bo3 and break's treated me really well with the exception of it so i have a lot to be thankful for.

mom, i love you and im sorry for not putting more of your face into my 2017 bc i really should have done that and listened to you earlier this year :(

if youre reading this, i hope you have an amazing day and i hope 2018 treats you the way you deserve bc if ur not a good person, you should become one and if u are a good person well then ur gonna have a great year anyways!

drinking is bad for u btw, please dont do it underage :(


oh god its been such a hectic week and so much has happened and ive gotten slandered woooooo!i mean it was bound to happen sooner than later but of all things to diss he chose two lies and i coulda clapped back so hard but akhil made me had an epiphany bc i realized that the people that think im a bad person will keep thinking that im a bad person regardless on how much logic or common sense i use and i have to deal with that so instead of wasting my effort and energy into people that arent worth it, i should put it towards useful ideas that'll help me get that 1600 or help bord/valleyhacks!

school starts again tmrw and a few ppl from ev agreed with kamesh so i get to deal with that but again like lmao idc bc im me and i know what i did and every action or move i make is justified so i just have to finally break down that mental barrier of me doing everything i do for someone other than myself bc once i start looking out for me, ill realize that im wasting a lot of my time where it really doesnt matter.

also, akshin and sany decided to have my back even when they really didn't have to and it meant the world to me bc they cared enough to go and comment and theyre just amazing friends and people and i genuinely dont know what id do without them and i know i said that for a lot of people that turned out to be snakes but the fact that they were willing to do that already shows how close we are and how much they trust me as a person bc they know the whole story and even though they disagree with a lot of things that i did (and im sorry for those too dw), they know that the answer wasnt warranted and that my stance on the entirety situation from day 1 has been the right one.

plus jay from the future: stop falling for people, focus on school and making a company and having the best hackathon you possibly can, focus on this post-college bc anything they can provide, your friends can too

OH YA we're copping a tesla finally! and dads triggered at the red car bc the sign came on again so hes taking it to the nissan dealership and if they dont fix it, hes gonna sell it and just buy the leaf out for me bc he's really insistent on getting me a car for some reason and im not saying i dont want a car but like i only have a little over a year to drive it and i dont wanna take that to college regardless on what dad says bc 4k a semester for parking is bananas and its pointless

IF UR READING THIS, I HOPE YOURE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND CHANCES ARE THAT I LOVE YOU BC ya i know i made mistakes but 1) what kamesh said didnt happen and 2) why on earth is a college sophomore getting into a twitter fight with a high school junior like seriously i know yall are immature and stuff but thats odd; if u have a problem about me, let me know and ill straighten it out with you personally, theres no need for theatrics and fake stuff to be floating around bc believe me i can do the same thing:)

hahaha if someone else finds this and either memes it or shares it or makes fun of it or whatever: go on, have fun. i made this as an online blog/diary thing bc talking to a camera and uploading a video doesnt have the same vibe to it and this is much simpler bc its impossible to lose so i keep the imp stuff here so that when i log onto it in a year, i remember what the hell i was going through AND ON THAT NOTE van holt and fazekas still havent updated grades and im lw freaking out bc im p sure i got an A in psych bc i ball out in that class but my van holt grade is gonna be so borderline gdi

do notes on time.


My mindset throughout the day was a lot more successful because I realized I shouldn't be hard on myself when someone's own logic is flawed because I don't want to be a bad kid or break the law or do anything illegal just because its the norm or whatever and I shouldn't put effort into worrying if other people are safe because they can do whatever they want to themselves: it doesnt affect me.

in other news, i somehow clutched a 100% on the psych final so i had a sigh of relief but i bombed the apush final but not nearly as much as i thought and i feel optimistic bc apparently participation is a huge chunk of our grade and I participate a looooot so I think I'm going to be fine and it'll offset my MCQ score because Jesus Christ it was horrendous.

I also got my other hydroflask back and we talked to Higgins at lunch today about his Ripple venture and about why he should retire and he told me not to apply to summer programs again but whatever PLUS I have to ask griffin for a letter of rec sooner than later so I should check on that asap

I made stupid mistakes on the stats final and I'm triggered bc all of my missed questions were syntax based, not actual statistic errors but eh whatever I got an A in the class.

I'm going to take a break from using social media as much though, and I'm going to invest a lot more effort into building good reading habits because I want to do notes on time this semester for APUSH and I want to finish the Elon Musk biography (or at least get farther than the first chapter).

Plus, I'm going to focus more on getting sleep and tracking my exercise and sleep patterns because I need to focus more on my physical health, as well as my mental health and I think that taking one step towards reducing internet usage is going to put me on the right path.

Goodnight. I love you if you're reading this :)


Okay, nothing really happened today. I keep falling asleep in class but I was able to stay up through all the lectures and I'm pretty proud of myself because if it was a few months ago, I would'be been knocked out. I had 2 meetings and went to work on the robot for a couple hours. Its also raining a lot and I HAVEN'T SHAVED! I really want to see how far I can push this because I've averaged a 5 on the homelessness scale but a 8 on the fire scale ;) and mom joined in the joke so I don't even feel like I need to shave until it just hurts my face.

We watched my videos in Spanish today and I'm becoming closer with a lot of friends that I previously wasn't this close with and its a nice feeling because I haven't really done much networking since I didn't need to. AND THE BIGGEST THING: we have 5 VC links and it's going pretty well because now we don't have to worry about funding or taking another hiatus :)

I'm not 100% yet, but I don't really expect to be 100% ever if I'm being completely honest:/ It's still so weird to go through the day and not think of what happened or where things happened because I'm still distraught.

FUTURE JAY: you started learning mandarin today to understand what on earth the Higher Brothers are saying because you "wanted a challenge" and it's gone pretty well because you got a hang of some of the pronunciations!


Hi Jay. Life slapped you across the face today in numerous ways. Your team got denied today. You got bombarded with questions about her today. One of your spams was logged into today. You lost a few really good friends today.

Today was also supposedly 2 months, but let's be real, it's more than that.

I'm beginning to realize that life isn't as optimistic as I made it out to be. Sure, I have some amazing friends, all the money and objects I'd ever want, a loving and supporting family: but there's no drive left in me and it's such a scary feeling. I don't seem to know why I'm doing anything that I am; what's the point of going to school to learn things I already know, what's the point in trying to be polite if nobody reciprocates, what's the point of being outgoing when all you get in response is negativity? You, me, whoever it or I am, we've reached the stage we did about 2 years ago where nothing makes sense.

The only difference, however, is that the situation is the exact opposite: I'm not at the lowest point in my academic life and highest in my social life. Breaking up was a hard thing to do, so I never wanted to do it: I'm a weak minded person. And the fact that it's been two months and I can't get over a high school relationship really says something about my character and the way I'm being perceived.

I'm going off the grid after this weekend; I need to restart. Saying you're a new person isn't the same as wholeheartedly carrying it out. Making a new facebook for real friends still counts as being addicted, and I/you/we need to get rid of that addiction.

I know I'll get out of this, I really do. I don't need therapy, and I don't need "a shoulder to cry on". I just need to learn to fill the new role of my life and learn that the people I know now will be nothing to me in 10 unless I make them out to be.

Reconnect with those that pushed you in the right way, not those that agreed to hurt you or didn't bother to think twice. Stop being dependent on others for the wrong things.

Focus on becoming the smartest you possible and the most successful you possible, because success is the indicator of how strong someone's belief is, not luck.

Also, prom is a dance in high school: get over it. Nobody cares what your story is. Learn to work that to your benefit, don't keep it as something you view sadly and sulk about. Stop wasting your thoughts and energy on something dead. Don't hope: work.


What's up? It's a Wednesday, wooooo!
As I was walking out of school today someone asked me what I was doing exactly 1 year ago at that instant and it took me a whole minute to completely stop, look at the person, and then laugh because that person probably thinks I'm a lunatic now but whatever.

I'VE OFFICIALLY MADE IT AS A JUNIOR: no I didn't get a 1600, but I went and talked to Griffin today at lunch and he told me that I've become an honorary part of his curriculum because of my power struggle scenario last year during the Lord of the Flies teaching session. Apparently my internal drive to do the right thing regardless on what others were doing and convince my peers to do the same through my stubborness and refusal to succumb was something that Griffin was proud of and he told me today and I was flattered because I remember how much of a mental toll that took on me but I still really appreciate it because Griffin taught me how to deal with that situation and how to come up on top because every move and every lesson I learned in that class has been applicable to my everyday life and that's such a large part of why I enjoyed him and his class so much. I hope he teaches AP Lang next year because I would love to experience him everyday in my Senior year!

You got a 93/95 on your first stats test of the semester so you seem to have gotten off on a high note in that class, but the exact opposite in Psychology. I didn't have any life changing thoughts or riveting conversations with anyone recently but I'm affirming everything that I tried to believe in and it's really tough (plus I don't plan on breaking that promise I made) but I'm getting through it.

BIG NEWS: GOATs won the Folsom #2 Qualifiers! It doesn't mean that you've advanced for some odd reason, so now you have to wait until the lottery where 18 of the 19 winning teams get to advance.

You also bought multicolored Flyknit Racers! They were supposed to come today but the shipping information literally got updated today morning and the date changed from today to tomorrow so now you have an extra day to wait.

I'm going to go finish studying for the permit test, then study for the chemistry test and do the notes for psychology. I hope wherever you are when you read this, you're happy, healthy, and hopeful.


Today was a really chill day and jesus christ you're still stuck on it :(. You/I/We still refuse to believe that what happened is real and that everything unfolded in theway that it did. Things are looking up though: you're doing well in school but you just need to focus on not losing your work because it has cost you quite a few points in these first few weeks and your schoolloop doesn't look the best. You updated your LinkedIn today and also yesterday I was talking to Ganga about what I had accomplished in High School and when I was telling him everything and when I started listing he realized that I had a huge gap from August 2016 onwards and it didn't hit me until now because I have been able to accomplish a lot of amazing things with the help of awesome people, but there are so many causes and organizations and clubs that I put on hold because I was foolish and believed in someone and I really hope all of these little things that I did for it don't come back and haunt me because I've already gotten hurt by it once, please don't let it have more than the amount of repercussions than it already has.

You're strong. You'll get through this. Good luck wherever you are. You can do it.

If there is someone besides me that reads this: I hope you have an amazing day because you really deserve to know that.


ok so 6 posts for the entirety of January, that's pretty pathetic.

Hi! Mom won't stop teasing you about Somya and she's genuinely meming on you at this point and she actually started laughing when you told her that somya blocked you on everything because she told me this would happen dang it >:(. The day went well: partner FRQ in Psychology, alright on the English Quiz you didn't read for, pretty well on the APUSH test too.

I got a haircut and studied for a majority of today. Tomorrow I'm selling the Supreme hat and then on Wednesday I'm FINALLYtaking the Permit test so I have to double check that I have all the proper paperwork so we don't have to waste the entirety of Wednesday afternoon.

Pretty chill day, nothing much happened. All I did was watch YouTube and study because basically everyone is off the grid until 10 and I'm making a conscious effort to try to sleep by 10:20 and that's not the best idea darn it.

Culture II released last Thursday and I literally only like about 5 songs and theyre the exact same ones as Prithika and that's really interesting to me.

Goodnight! Sleep tight! :)



Hey! Today was a pretty chill day and two of my teachers weren't in class so I got some free time to work on homework. We took an IQ test in Psych today and I got only one wrong but I didn't finish in the time limit because I didn't realize there was a time limit so I might retake another one because according to this one I'm about the bottom 20% because apparently ommitted answers count as wrong so whoops.

I stayed up late last night creating the new site and I really like it but the only thing that's putting me slightly on edge is the font of it but other than that I'm pretty content with its entirety. I studied for the SAT and I put more stickers on the hydroflask and it might look really odd or nice depending on how you take it.

I need to study for the driver's exam because there's a 50-50 chance that I get to take it tomorrow since we have everything except the DL44 form, which you can apparently only get from the actual office.

Good luck future and past Jay! Hope you're doing well!


Yikes, I complained about only having 6 posts for all of January but I haven't done a single post yet for this month. I'm going to take this post as an opportunity to talk about all the stuff I've done this month because I'm pretty proud.

Ok so, the month started like always: robotics occupying 90% of my free time. The regional competition (which we got into) was this past weekend and we did surprisingly well. The tournament spanned over the course of two days and we were late the first day and a lot of things went wrong, but you clutched out the inspection and interviews. On the actual day of the tournament, we went 4-0 and then our fifth round was against Rise of Hephaestus (the Global Champions) and we actually didn't get completely demolished. We placed 3rd in the tournament, 1st place being Hephaestus and 2nd place being some random team who lucked their way to the top because all they could do was two relics and half a cryptobox. We had already won a round with them previously and we had offered them a chance to be our alliance but they denied us for some reason so, yea, we demolished them in the first round of the playoffs. We got to the Finals for our division and we had a chance to win the first round because one of the opponents' robots crashed and we could've taken advantage of that, but we choked and then got obliterated in the second match. We ended up winning the Finalist Award for our division, and as a team, I'm extremely happy with how far we made it this seaosn. Seeing how late we were willing to work and how passionate the team was to build the best robot that we could made me treasure the time we spent in Manav's garage because I know I won't ever get to experience a feeling like that again.

Besides robotics, you're clutching school so hard it's becoming a habit now. For the past 6 chem assignments, I've forgotten to do them until right before lunch and everytime I think I'm going to get half credit and turn it in late, I magically manage to finish it. I'm not happy about this because it's turning into a habit and I need to become more organized.

The SAT is next month on the 10th so I have 15 days including today to study and get a 1600 and I'm not really stressed, but I still do need to practice a lot more.

I've also gotten so much Patagonia it's funny because I can rotate a new one for everyday of the week and not repeat it and I remember convincing someone that I don't waste money on clothes but now I'm going to get roasted if I do it at school.

It's the Friday of Ski Week currently and the two biggest things you've done are go to Black Panther in Dolby and go to the Index Conference in San Francisco. Both trips have been a lot of fun and I had a great time, but besides that, I've just sat at home and studied for the SAT!

I really want to create a Crea Tyler or Sam Kolder-esque film but I've been trying and it's so time consuming and I need a drone so I think I'll create one for the LA trip if we take Akshin's drone because that would be a lot of fun.

But yea, all in all, this month has just been studying for the SAT, studying for school, and finishing up this season of Robotics. I'm not over anything and I still do feel bummed on basically a daily basis but I know that I won't ever get rid of that feeling (I won't break my promise.) and I should just learn to deal with it.

Peace, I love you. Have a great day.


I'd talk about everything that's happened since last post in detail, but I just don't want to. We went to Stanford on Friday, had a great evening, ate some really really good Indian food for dinner, met Amitakka's friends, and that was pretty much it. Yesterday we went to Costco and I just spent the whole day lounging around with mom and dad and we watched the warriors game THAT WE WON. Plus I have a cold and I feel absolutely terrible for the second day in a row but I really need to study (plus I'm getting sad thinking about the last time I had a cold ): )

I feel bummed out right now because I was watching a video about some class thing that I didn't get in Java and he opened up OneNote and basically 2 years ago Somya told me that she had a diary that no one knew about on OneNote and I thought that was really cool so I decided to make my own private diary. I opened it up today and read everything and I just feel really bummed out because I can't just go text her like "Hey remember this" and just :(. I'm getting more and more bummed as time goes on but I still have hope and I'm not going to break my promise so I guess time will tell what my path holds. (I doubt you read this but if you do, we haven't talked in months and I'd love to catch up some time.)

Good luck on SAT prep. That's about it.


So I've archived all my previous blog posts because it was becoming tiring to scroll all the way down just to check if I had changed something or messed somehting up or just in general to read what I had written.

I'm going to start an additional thing, and eventually I'll add it to my front page (or a way to get to it), where I talk about all the ideas or epiphanies that I have that go beyond just a basic "what did I do today" post in the blog.

I've written a really long and broad one today where I talk about how and why I have the views that I do, and why I'm acting the way I am.

Check it out here: The Present.

I just really hope if there's an alternate universe where everything didn't go so poorly that I end up happy.

I put a lot of effort into that and the SAT is less than a week away so that should give you some sense on how much this means to me.